It's been good...

So, no major news. Oh, wait! Yes, there is! I made an 88% on my first Pathophysiology test. I felt good about the test, and it showed. Technically, according to the PA program grading scale, that's an A! Anything 87% and up is an A! I will take it!

One more piece of minor news (apparently there was more news that I thought!)... My brother moved back in with our parents last weekend. That left Mike and I with an extra room--which I converted to my office! I miss my brother, and I know Mike does too. But, on the other hand, it's amazing to have a place all my own to do homework and study....

Things have been going smooth. I have no complaints. I read a lot, and that's not going to chance. I just wanted to post an update. Unfortunately, I have a huge amount of testing coming up in the next few weeks. It's midterm time already. Can you believe it?! I know I can't!

One last thing... It was 69 degrees outside, and I was fortunate enough to get out of class at 2:00. I went for a 3 mile jog... It was bliss. I think it will help me study better too! Back to the books!

The end of week 5...

So, it's been a rough week. First, I reveled in the 95% in Clinical Assessment. Things were off to a smooth start. Then, I was complacent with an 82% in Anatomy lecture--I wanted more, but I settle for that and vowed to do better. I was angry and confused with my 70% in Anatomy lab.

Then, the biggie... Physiology on Wednesday. I got the score today... 50%. That's right. That's even WITH a curve. What did I do? I cried--like a little girl. I cried to Mike. Then I called one of my friends to make sure the grades were actually posted correctly (which, they were), and I cried when talking to her. Then, I cried to Mom and Dad.

....Sigh... *wiping tears*

Even with all the studying I did, and all the confidence I had, I can't believe it.I am not going to panic yet. Mom said I shouldn't panic. I think that's a good idea, considering it's only the end of week 5. Dad encouraged me. They are the most supporting people I have ever seen. I call them on my good days, and I call them on my good days. I love them. I have the greatest parents in the world.

I have a three-day weekend. I am going to gather the troops, rethink my game plan, and put together a strategy for the next two years. I am reminding myself, "This is all I want."


This picture is from my graduation from SBU. They got me through then, and they will get me through now.

Coming home in tears...

So I had a hard day today...

I got my Anatomy lecture test back--82%. I got my Anatomy lab test back--70%. I wasn't totally displeased with the 82%. In fact, I felt that it was accurate. However, I do feel that if nearly everyone in the class misses an answer because it was one of the two correct answers and the professor felt that everyone should have picked "C" simply because she likes that letter better than "A" (even though she stated that this was a correct answer), there should be some displeasure. And there was. The worst part is, before trying to explain herself about that one particular question, the professor had stated that she would credit a question if half the class missed it. THEN she refused to say that she would give credit for the so-called botched question. :( It's not the fact that we all could have had 2 more points, it's the fact that we have been dealing with those kinds of things for 5 weeks already. She informed us that because some of the class had done well on the test, she was going to make the next one fill-in-the-blank. How thoughtful.

As for the lab test, I WAS disappointed. I felt okay going in, but I felt better about it when I left. I thought that it had went well. When we were handed our tests back by our lab "assistant," who is nothing more than an undergraduate student, we were told that the lowest score was 68%. That means I was the next lowest score. When there were a few questions about how certain things were pinned and labeled, we were told by our UNDERGRADUATE LAB ASSISTANT that, because we were graduate students, we weren't able to argue about our grade like we did in undergraduate courses. THE NERVE.

The stipulation in the PA program is that we can only accumulate 9 credit hours of a "C" grade before being excused from the program. I realize that we have a long time to go in the semester. But, with the physiology test on Wednesday (yeah, the one that is a TOTAL foreign language to me), I feel like there is a strong chance of making a C in Anatomy and a C in physiology. Let's do the math. Anatomy--6 hours. Physiology--3 hours. YIKES. Just the simple realization of this has made me realize my mortality within the PA program. Again, I must remind myself, this is ALL I WANT.

I tried studying with three people from my class this afternoon. After listening and contributing very little to their intellectual conversation, I found that I have a lot to learn about physiology before Wednesday.

Wish me luck for Wednesday. I apologize for the sarcasm. I just don't like coming home in tears.

By popular demand...

By popular demand, I am taking a break from studying for my Medical Physiology test to give an update! :) I had a busy week at school, including two lecture tests, one anatomy lab test, and THREE extra hours of medical physiology lecture back-to-back in addition to the regularly scheduled hour we had previously in the day. By the end of the 4 hours of Physiology, my brain was fried from what seemed more like a foreign language than the subject of cardiac action potentials we were actually studying!

Let me preface this by saying, I CRAVE quiet when I study. I NEED it. So, when Mike traveled out of town for his job on Wednesday and Thursday nights, I seized the opportunity to study to my heart's delight. It was... well... amazing.

One more preface: I entered undergrad as the valedictorian of my class. I had above a 4.0 GPA. Needless to say, I had high expectations. However, when I got my first test score back in undergrad, I was devastated. My very first test score--58% on a Chemistry I test. I immediately started doubting my potential in college. That's it--I was destined to fail out of school at the end of the first semester. Luckily, my mom and dad are the rational ones and wouldn't let me do that. I guess considering the fact that I made it grad school, things turned out okay. :)

My Clinical Assessment test was on Thursday morning. This class basically involves learning the "art" of examination and history-taking of patients. There is a clinical procedure that is followed by care-providers. There are an enormous amount of questions that a care-provider asks (just listen next time you go into a doctor's visit!). We were tested over this and the skin and also how it is examined. We also viewed slides for certain skin anomalies. Some of these slides were less than appetizing. Don't know quite yet if dermatology is the place for me. :)

On Friday morning, I had my Anatomy test. That afternoon we had the lab portion of the test. There is something interesting about going into a room with 7 cadavers who are helping you learn--post-mortem. I have never had cadaver lab before, and I didn't know how I would handle it. It's actually quite amazing to get into a cadaver's body and find differences among the other bodies in the room. I have the utmost respect for anyone who donates their body to science. This is one of the best ways to learn.

So, without further waiting, my score on my FIRST test in grad school--Clinical Assessment--was 95.2%!!! I was so pleased. I think there was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I think a little relief goes a long way. I haven't recieved my scores for my Anatomy lecture or lab tests yet--those are to come on Monday.

My next hurdle is Wednesday--Medical Physiology. If I get past that test, maybe, just maybe, I will survive. Now, back to studying...

The "Ashley" behind the "Ashley"...

I have never written a blog before, so here goes my best shot. This isn't for anyone but myself to watch my own progress, but I welcome the chance to have anyone else read and follow along as well. I have been told if you write your thoughts down, you can remember them at a later time--even if you can't remember the details. Writing is good for that.

I started this "journey" of sorts about three and a half years ago. I was in my last semester at SBU, and I was sure what I was going to do with my BS in Biology/Psychology. Nursing school? Sure, that was a thought. I even met with the dean of the nursing school. Even after our meeting, I still wasn't sure that's what I wanted. I was finishing up four and a half years in undergrad, and I didn't want to start over again to get a four-year degree in nursing. That's about the time I started doing my research. I found the Physician Assistant career, and the more I learned about it, the more I wanted to know. I started doing more research. Wouldn’t you know it--Missouri State University had a program in Springfield, MO. That was convenient enough for me--I lived in Bolivar. I could drive 30 minutes a day . I had already done that for the majority of undergrad. As I looked through the prerequisites, they looked intimidating, but doable. It would take some time. I started marking off the ones I needed, and it seemed like I was only one-quarter they way through the list of prerequisites. I had no previous medical experience, and, honestly, I didn't know how I was going to get that experience. I was a waitress!

After talking to some friends of mine who were also headed down the same track, they told me that I could become a nurse assistant. I applied at St. John's, and there I was--getting the ball rolling. I must say, my luck or blessings from above have been pretty good. I graduated SBU with a BS in Biology/Psychology on Friday, December 15, 2006, had my last day on the job as a full-time waitress two days later, and started at a nurse assistant at St. John's Hospital on December 18, 2006. It seemed to be going fast at that point. But let me elaborate a little...

Let's put it this way--2007 is a year I don't want to repeat. Don't get me wrong. There were lots of good things that happened that year, but there were many difficult things going on during that year. For starters, there was the infamous "Ice Storm of 2007." I was without power for 12 long days. After things got back to normal, I started taking Microbiology at Missouri State University. I needed the one class to fill one more prerequisite for graduate school in the PA program. One more check mark in the "completed" column…

However, another trial came as I went through my divorce. After being married ten and a half months, things had changed for Ryan and me. I was in school and working two jobs (I had picked up another part-time waitress job). Ryan was working 40+ hours in a week and working on our land. Our goals changed. Maybe it was the fact that my goals changed, and his were staying the same. I wanted to keep getting my education. To make what could be a long story short, we separated and filed for divorce. It was over. We had tried to work it out. We had taken off our rings, and we had put them back on. But finally, it seemed like making separate lists of assets turned out to be our last move. It was a relatively smooth separation. But, don't let anyone tell you otherwise--even when a divorce is "easy," it's not easy.

But, I moved on. It was hard at first. It was hard being the 23 year-old divorcee who everyone gave a "pity face" to at work. That wasn't me. I am bubbly, chipper, resilient. I continued being that way, and the fact that I was a 23 year-old divorcee waned. In fact, I met Mike Schnell. He was just a "punk kid" from the first day I met him. I have to laugh at that now. Mike was a classmate of mine, and he watched me go through the hard times. We went to dinner, and as they say, the rest is history.

Mike and I have a lot of fun. He is young and spontaneous and funny. He showed and taught me things no one else did. He taught me how to love in a different way. One of my favorite things ever is the fact that we ride his 2005 Harley-Davidson Night Train all over. He has loved to ride since he was young, and he never asked me or pushed me to ride. I simply asked him if I could ride with him one day. On a perfectly normal Independence Day in 2007, we took out on a ride to Stockton lake with his mom, step-dad, and family friend. Forty-five minutes later, we were in a hit-and-run accident outside of Greenfield, MO. We were beat up and broken, scraped and bruised, but alive. For whatever reason--a combination of God's grace and Mike's quick thinking, we survived being hit nearly head-on at 40 mph.

I was out of work for a month, and my emotions were a mess. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I would get mad a Mike for no reason, and then I would apologize almost immediately. I believe I was suffering from minor depression because of the head injury and also because my routine (home and work) had been altered without my control. But, again, things seemed to be back to normal, except for scars on my hands and elbows that serve as a reminder of that chaotic day.

So, it was only July, and I had gone through a wicked ice-storm, a divorce, and a motorcycle accident. I had a lot of support to go through those times. Although things weren't perfect for us all the time, Mom and Dad helped me more than anyone. They would listen as I cried or pondered or moaned and groaned. They are the best--and always will be.

Fast forward ten months--May 2008. I had worked at St. John's for about a year and a half. I had worked with some amazing patients, learned so many things, and seen things that I had never seen. After jumping through the hoops involved with meeting the prerequisites for PA school at MSU, I started filling out all the paperwork in early May. I was on vacation in Chicago when I got the call to interview for MSU. I was so excited, so say the least! On Friday, September 12th, 2008, I interviewed PA school. I waited for four weeks, but on Wednesday, October 8th, I got the call I had been so desperately waiting for--I had been accepted. My class of 26 would be started January 12th, 2009.

I cried. I was shaking like a leaf. I was red-faced because I was crying. I hugged Morgan so hard, I thought we were going to fall over. I called Dad, Mom, Lexi, Mike, Amy, Megan… They were all ecstatic! Jumping through the hoops and all the time I had spent thinking, working for, and devoting myself to PA school had worked.

So…. After all that, here I am, finishing up my second week in school. It's been a little bit hectic, to say the least. It has been all I want, but it has been hectic. I have read more these past two weeks than I did in the two years between undergrad and grad school. I haven't lost my determination to be in grad school though. It's intense--and it's all I wanted.

By the end of this second week, I have gotten to know 25 other adults who want the same thing I do. We are friends, and we will become family over the next two years. We have the same thoughts, but we have different experience. For that reason, we mesh together, helping and teaching one another. We have great synergy--the sum of the whole is more than the individual parts. I have met some amazing professors who have vast knowledge and patience.

I want this. It's all I have wanted, and I am going to work hard for it.