The "Ashley" behind the "Ashley"...

I have never written a blog before, so here goes my best shot. This isn't for anyone but myself to watch my own progress, but I welcome the chance to have anyone else read and follow along as well. I have been told if you write your thoughts down, you can remember them at a later time--even if you can't remember the details. Writing is good for that.

I started this "journey" of sorts about three and a half years ago. I was in my last semester at SBU, and I was sure what I was going to do with my BS in Biology/Psychology. Nursing school? Sure, that was a thought. I even met with the dean of the nursing school. Even after our meeting, I still wasn't sure that's what I wanted. I was finishing up four and a half years in undergrad, and I didn't want to start over again to get a four-year degree in nursing. That's about the time I started doing my research. I found the Physician Assistant career, and the more I learned about it, the more I wanted to know. I started doing more research. Wouldn’t you know it--Missouri State University had a program in Springfield, MO. That was convenient enough for me--I lived in Bolivar. I could drive 30 minutes a day . I had already done that for the majority of undergrad. As I looked through the prerequisites, they looked intimidating, but doable. It would take some time. I started marking off the ones I needed, and it seemed like I was only one-quarter they way through the list of prerequisites. I had no previous medical experience, and, honestly, I didn't know how I was going to get that experience. I was a waitress!

After talking to some friends of mine who were also headed down the same track, they told me that I could become a nurse assistant. I applied at St. John's, and there I was--getting the ball rolling. I must say, my luck or blessings from above have been pretty good. I graduated SBU with a BS in Biology/Psychology on Friday, December 15, 2006, had my last day on the job as a full-time waitress two days later, and started at a nurse assistant at St. John's Hospital on December 18, 2006. It seemed to be going fast at that point. But let me elaborate a little...

Let's put it this way--2007 is a year I don't want to repeat. Don't get me wrong. There were lots of good things that happened that year, but there were many difficult things going on during that year. For starters, there was the infamous "Ice Storm of 2007." I was without power for 12 long days. After things got back to normal, I started taking Microbiology at Missouri State University. I needed the one class to fill one more prerequisite for graduate school in the PA program. One more check mark in the "completed" column…

However, another trial came as I went through my divorce. After being married ten and a half months, things had changed for Ryan and me. I was in school and working two jobs (I had picked up another part-time waitress job). Ryan was working 40+ hours in a week and working on our land. Our goals changed. Maybe it was the fact that my goals changed, and his were staying the same. I wanted to keep getting my education. To make what could be a long story short, we separated and filed for divorce. It was over. We had tried to work it out. We had taken off our rings, and we had put them back on. But finally, it seemed like making separate lists of assets turned out to be our last move. It was a relatively smooth separation. But, don't let anyone tell you otherwise--even when a divorce is "easy," it's not easy.

But, I moved on. It was hard at first. It was hard being the 23 year-old divorcee who everyone gave a "pity face" to at work. That wasn't me. I am bubbly, chipper, resilient. I continued being that way, and the fact that I was a 23 year-old divorcee waned. In fact, I met Mike Schnell. He was just a "punk kid" from the first day I met him. I have to laugh at that now. Mike was a classmate of mine, and he watched me go through the hard times. We went to dinner, and as they say, the rest is history.

Mike and I have a lot of fun. He is young and spontaneous and funny. He showed and taught me things no one else did. He taught me how to love in a different way. One of my favorite things ever is the fact that we ride his 2005 Harley-Davidson Night Train all over. He has loved to ride since he was young, and he never asked me or pushed me to ride. I simply asked him if I could ride with him one day. On a perfectly normal Independence Day in 2007, we took out on a ride to Stockton lake with his mom, step-dad, and family friend. Forty-five minutes later, we were in a hit-and-run accident outside of Greenfield, MO. We were beat up and broken, scraped and bruised, but alive. For whatever reason--a combination of God's grace and Mike's quick thinking, we survived being hit nearly head-on at 40 mph.

I was out of work for a month, and my emotions were a mess. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I would get mad a Mike for no reason, and then I would apologize almost immediately. I believe I was suffering from minor depression because of the head injury and also because my routine (home and work) had been altered without my control. But, again, things seemed to be back to normal, except for scars on my hands and elbows that serve as a reminder of that chaotic day.

So, it was only July, and I had gone through a wicked ice-storm, a divorce, and a motorcycle accident. I had a lot of support to go through those times. Although things weren't perfect for us all the time, Mom and Dad helped me more than anyone. They would listen as I cried or pondered or moaned and groaned. They are the best--and always will be.

Fast forward ten months--May 2008. I had worked at St. John's for about a year and a half. I had worked with some amazing patients, learned so many things, and seen things that I had never seen. After jumping through the hoops involved with meeting the prerequisites for PA school at MSU, I started filling out all the paperwork in early May. I was on vacation in Chicago when I got the call to interview for MSU. I was so excited, so say the least! On Friday, September 12th, 2008, I interviewed PA school. I waited for four weeks, but on Wednesday, October 8th, I got the call I had been so desperately waiting for--I had been accepted. My class of 26 would be started January 12th, 2009.

I cried. I was shaking like a leaf. I was red-faced because I was crying. I hugged Morgan so hard, I thought we were going to fall over. I called Dad, Mom, Lexi, Mike, Amy, Megan… They were all ecstatic! Jumping through the hoops and all the time I had spent thinking, working for, and devoting myself to PA school had worked.

So…. After all that, here I am, finishing up my second week in school. It's been a little bit hectic, to say the least. It has been all I want, but it has been hectic. I have read more these past two weeks than I did in the two years between undergrad and grad school. I haven't lost my determination to be in grad school though. It's intense--and it's all I wanted.

By the end of this second week, I have gotten to know 25 other adults who want the same thing I do. We are friends, and we will become family over the next two years. We have the same thoughts, but we have different experience. For that reason, we mesh together, helping and teaching one another. We have great synergy--the sum of the whole is more than the individual parts. I have met some amazing professors who have vast knowledge and patience.

I want this. It's all I have wanted, and I am going to work hard for it.